Does anyone else find it incredibly hard to make new friends as we grow older?
When I lived in Los Angeles, I had a number of gal pals I could count on should last-minute concert tickets/coffee needs/girl talk situations arise. I've never been the most popular girl in school, but I could hold my own. Since moving to San Diego {nearly TWO years ago now!} I find that it's hard to find people with similar interests.
Work sounds like a natural place to make some buddies, but I've made very few. Not many other young marrieds (or young singles, for that matter) work here and our office is quite small (especially compared to the 500+ coworkers I had in LA). I would consider myself very involved in the Junior League but I haven't really made many friends there either. I've met a million super fabulous ladies and at events I always find someone to chat with...but while I've tried and tried I just haven't crossed that bridge to BFF with anyone yet.
Skipp and I like to stay busy in our neighborhood. Our church is at the center of our social life and I've met a ton of super fabulous people there, but again, they are much older than us and many even have children our age.
Why is it so hard to find other married couples who like to do similar things once we pass the age of 22? We are regulars at the dog park, make it to all the San Diego Dachshund Club events, are active at our church and in the community, and both work full-time jobs and yet between the two of us we have a handful of friends.
If Skipp didn't have a huge family full of fabulous siblings and cousins, I think I'd go mad. I know I can't be alone in this-- why is it so hard to make friends as adults?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
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24 comments:
Love this post-it comes at the same time I find myself wondering the same thing-in fact I feel like you read my mind! I just need to remind myself that BFFs take time to procure so maybe one is not too far off!
It is challenging to find and make BFF's in adulthood. I think life just happens. Our spouses become the center of our world, friends have kids, interests change, cliques don't welcome new people. It's frustrating for sure. Don't give up though.
I moved to Raleigh this past August and my husband and I have yet to meet new friends-- especially young couples. I'm with you!
I felt the same way when I first got married, but I must say once you start having kids the friend thing comes naturally. My two BFFs are other moms I met thru a playgroup when our oldest children were about 1-1/2. Well, those kids are 9 and 10 now and rarely get together, but the moms still get together all the time.
Not to mention all the friends you make when your kids start school.
i have lived in north county San Diego since '05 and made a lot of friend in JLSD. But, once I became a mommy the friends world opened right up! I felt the same way the first couple years here too and sometimes I still do. It will get easier and you are doing all the right things! Wendy's right, it's just plain tough because you have your family and its demands, work, etc...
I'm in the same boat! My job is not the place to meet people and I've struggled to meet new people. I've met some great people who have since moved away and while I love visiting I wish I had more friends for the last-minute/spur of the moment things.
I love this post, it's so true, and I have found myself in the same boat. I would love to make some couple friends but those are so hard to find! I also find that now that I'm married it's harder to make 'single girl' friends - it seems like they think there is some huge difference between us and that I couldn't possibly understand their single life. So that's hard. Thanks for the post!!
My theory is that you aren't in a friend-forging time of life. No crucible, if you will. In my experience you will make tons and tons once you have a baby. All the social barriers fall.
I know what you mean! We've been struggling with the same thing in our new city. It doesn't help that we hate our new city to begin with, but it's SO hard to make new friends as an adult!
I can totally relate to this as this has something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I moved to a new state almost five years ago and have really struggled to make connections with friends. I have been praying that my social circle widens and I am blessed with some additional good friends, rather than just acquaintances soon.
Hugs hugs hugs - you know if I was on the Left Coast I would visit you 24/7! I have a hard time making new friends at this age too - and am holding firmly onto the ones I have been lucky enough to keep. Growing up is hard to do!
Amen. I know that the San Diego Food Bloggers group is *amazing* and I met a ton of girls through that - I wonder if there's a similar group for non-foodies. Although, if you like to eat, you are *always* welcome at our events!
I worry that so many keep saying "once you have kids", we have chosen not to have children both by choice and due to medical reasons and it's hard knowing that so many social doors close due to that decision.
Good luck in your search for answers - I'm always down for a cupcake! =)
Amen. I completely agree with you. In addition to what's been said, I think that the first few years out of school are everyone's most selfish time of life. We're trying to figure out who we are, what we will spend the next several years doing, whether or not to couple off with someone, etc. etc.
Other than a spouse/partner, it's hard to transition across these few years with others (who you don't have a history with) because at any moment your paths could diverge from one another at any point.
I totally agree with you. I have felt the same way. Some life changes this year have meant I feel like I have less friends than ever. It is very discouraging.
it's so nice to see that so many feel this way too. i think many people just get accustomed to their own group of friends and many of these groups don't necessarily open themselves to newcomers.
there is obviously nothing wrong with you and Skipp and i think with time the right friends will come along and everything will have been worth the wait.
have faith :)
Yes. I agree with you! I'm of the opinion that it's part of our changing times in this society, as I didn't have problems making new BFFs in the past when moving or changing jobs. And it's not just the 20 somethings. I'm over 50 and moved to a new location 6 years ago. People are amiable but don't want to become BFFs. I don't have children and it's too late for me, but I can't help but wonder if having children in school makes a difference?
It's true. I have a handful of close friends in LA, but almost all the rest are elsewhere from other times in my life. It's tough!
Your post - and all of these comments - wow! I am not alone and neither are you! Too bad we can't move our blog friends into our immediate areas. That would always help. We are all the way back in Alabama and we have the very same problems you do. Let's hope 2012 begins many new friendships for all of us!
This is so true! It definitely seems harder the more removed you are from school: many people just don't seem that interested in making new friends. I am lucky to have a number of close friends, but I've also had close friends that have moved away and would love new ones to fill the "void."
It is SOOO hard to make friends after college! I will say that for me, I didn't make any true friends in JL until I chaired a committee. And now that I am on the board, I LOVE it. But that's of course nine years after joining. For me, the big issue is that I am the only single girl everywhere I go. I wish I had more advice but it's taken me years in this city to finally start making some truely good friends. If only my blog and Twitter friends lived closer...
When I got married, I couldn't hang out with my friends anymore because all they wanted to do was go to bars and hit on guys. They didn't understand that I was no longer a "me," but I was now a "we," and they stopped calling me to go out. We recently met a couple we thought we got along great with, but all they want to do is drink, and since we're planning a family, alcohol is a no-no. I miss my best friends, and I didn't even move away, I just got married. I feel your pain. :(
There are so many parts of this post that are so true for me as well. I find I am in an in-between group as well as I am not married, but also not single and wanting to go out and meet guys either. Wouldn't it be fabulous if there were more bloggers that lived close? ;)
It is hard at this age! I'm so lucky to have made two great friends at my work, both around my age and married. My husband has no friends near where we live. he went to college far away, so everyone is spread out. My college friends aren't local, but my H.S. friends are. I admire you for moving and getting involved in your community. I live 10 minutes from my childhood home...
I do think you'll start meeting people as time goes on. One thing to consider, you mentioned Skip has siblings and cousins. Maybe those are your BFFs? Hang in there!
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